September 16, 2012 by Mathew
Though I’ve pondered it endlessly, I’ve never authored or published a blog before. This is a new experience for me so it might take several posts before I find a suitable groove and settle on a particular style. I’m already thinking that the title, layout, and graphics are going to have to be redone. I kind of just halfway slapped them together because I have been so busy lately. Oh well. I suppose I should just get on with things and start writing.
For most of my adult life I have danced, flirted, wrestled, and toyed with the idea of having my own blog. I cannot remember how many countless times over the years I have attempted to write out a first post in the word processor. Each and every time I nosedived. I suppose there are a number of reasons for this, one of them being that I am a perfectionist. My perfectionism runs so deep that it often ends up being a detriment to me, rather than a boon. I will spend months, years, sometimes decades working on a project and never come to the point where I think its perfect enough to be called done, ready, or viewable.
Another reason that I have never actually published a blog is the fact that I am a Christian and I have always wanted my blog to be someplace that I tell others about my relationship with God, sharing many of the experiences and insights that have been birthed out of that relationship. There is nothing wrong with that but, it tends to clash with the fact that I also want my blog to be someplace that I can sort of let my hair down and just be myself. I am a human being and am therefore imperfect. I have always been fearful of that imperfection spoiling any message I might have to share about God.
There is always a “balance of the tightrope” for those who would share the gospel or talk about their walk with God. If you keep every single molecule of your humanity – your flaws, imperfections, struggles, and failures – hidden and locked away, you might be able to keep those things from tainting the message God has led you to share. Unfortunately, by keeping your less-than-perfect humanity hidden, you risk diminishing and hindering the power of your message because you become someone “unreal” that people cannot connect with or relate to.
I see it all the time. There are those who share the gospel but share little to nothing about themselves or their lives. Some share only the things that make them look like they are perfect human beings with no flaws and foibles. Others share some of the major details of their lives but none of the smaller ones that flesh them out and make them look like normal folk. At best, these people come across as difficult to identify with. At worst they come across looking like someone who is disconnected from the real world, someone without problems and imperfections. They leave the impression that their message is only for those who are as perfect as they seem to be.
Then there are the people who seem to have no filtering system whatsoever and say way too much. They either reveal every single little detail of their lives, boring everyone to death or, they share every bit of flotsam that drifts through their brain – sarcasm, snark, rants, off-the-wall opinions and ideas. They communicate things on the fly without thinking about, editing, or pondering the impact of what they tell others.
With the Internet, particularly with blogs, the tightrope becomes a razor’s edge and much more difficult to walk on. Cyberspace provides a protective barrier of semi-anonymity that makes it much easier to cross lines and boundaries and to say things that you otherwise might not. I suppose this blog is my first attempt at walking that razor’s edge.
I’ll start wrapping up this first post by saying that, “I am human.” I’m an everyday run of the mill sinner. Not a day goes by that I don’t slip up and sin. I do things that I am not in any way proud of. Here are just a few of those things:
- I lose my patience and temper and end up using language that’s less than savory far more often than suits my tastes.
- I am a virgin and have fought a long hard fight to keep that virginity for my future wife but, it doesn’t mean that I have escaped the lure of pornography. It has been an enemy of mine for some time.
- I must continually rebuke my mind for thinking things that it shouldn’t.
- Oftentimes, I just plain become frustrated and angry with God and unload on Him, saying things that I regret afterward.
- I often listen to music with lyrics or themes that are less than wholesome.
- I often watch TV shows and movies of the same ilk.
Despite all of this, God shows me ultimate grace, mercy, and love. Despite the fact that I am so mercilessly imperfect God does not leave or abandon me – he stays. Not only does He stay, He blesses me with the most treasured thing I have ever had: my relationship with Him. That relationship has defined my entire adult life. That relationship has saved me. God and I share a deep, intimate, powerful thing – the story of our love. If I end up doing nothing else with this blog, I would like for others to see and know about that story.