May 2, 2016 by Mathew
It doesn’t seem like a year has passed since my last post but, it has. That was not my intent. There are certain things in my life that greatly overwhelm me, taking the life force that I would otherwise pour into this blog, into my books, and into the things I dearly wish to pursue in life. To my heartbreak, most of the time I don’t have any of myself left to pour into me and my things. As a result, things that are important to me – things such as this blog – end up receiving far less attention than they deserve. I sincerely hope that within the next few years that will change.
Anyway, I recently encountered someone asking the question that titles this post. “Where are all the good Godly men?” I’ve seen this question, regarding both genders, asked countless times by single people. The short and to-the-point answer is: We are right in front of you. I’m aware that most single folk would contend that things are rather more complicated so, I’ve also prepared a more in depth examination of this matter.
The Wrong Attitude
I suppose I will begin by telling about a blog entry – that I read perhaps a year ago – written by a woman who is in her thirties, has chosen to remain a virgin until marriage, professes to be devoutly Christian, and is a firm believer in waiting until marriage to have sex. These are certainly admirable qualities. Her post however, reflected a less than flattering attitude that is likely a large part of the reason she – much to her disappointment – remains single and unattached. She started off by gushing over a Christian semi celebrity and the model he married. She made a special point to extol the fact that he is physically attractive and that he just happened to be a virgin when he married. Before her post was over with, she thoroughly insulted a huge segment of we single Christian men and, wrote us off as being poor and undesirable options for marriage, due to some distinctly shallow and materialistic reasons. She was quite blunt in her assessment of things.
She lauded the fact that the semi-celebrity was an “incredibly hot guy” who waited for his wife rather than being merely some unattractive “loser” who was waiting for the woman he married. The blatant insinuation was that those of us single Christian men waiting until marriage to have sex who aren’t outrageously good looking, are losers. She expressed her fears that she won’t be able to find an equivalently good looking male who is also willing to wait until marriage to have sex and, that if she does find someone willing to wait, “he’ll be ugly.” She concluded by asking why God couldn’t give her “an incredibly gorgeous, hot guy” who loved her enough to wait for sex. In her post, she also made note of the fact that the semi celebrity couple waited until marriage for their first kiss but, indicated that she didn’t want to wait until marriage herself because she believes “it’s good to know if someone can kiss or not” and has concluded from experience that “some people really ARE bad kissers.”
Before I go on, I’ll state the obvious. A very likely reason this person remains single might be because all the compatible potential mates God has sent her way were rejected because they weren’t “incredibly hot.” The reason why she and many others can’t find a “good Godly” romantic interest could very well be that God doesn’t bother to send any of His cherished sons and daughters their way. He knows they would be rejected due to their looks, or because they were essentially poor, or didn’t carry any prestige, or hadn’t attained any social status, or for other shallow materialistic reasons. He knows that their hearts would be devastated by not even being considered for the romantic love, affection, and attention that they are worthy of being considered for – worthy because of who they have endured and worked hard to become as men and women, worthy because of their inner beauty and appeal.
This woman’s attitude and views are similar to those that seem to be underlying and prevalent among many single Christians complaining that they can’t find an unattached “good Godly” member of the opposite gender. Because this person was seeking a male and, because the question at the top specifically mentions men, I will address this next segment to women seeking a “good Godly” man.
Where Is This Guy
This good Godly man, that so many Christian women always seem to be searching for, is likely not going to be voted best looking guy of the year. If he was even in the running, you would never have a chance at him because one of the twenty gorgeous women in line ahead of you would snap him up long before your turn ever came. In fact, he is likely carrying around a few dozen or more extra pounds and is probably not handsome enough that he would stand out in a crowd to you.
He is probably not driving a vehicle that you’d notice or remember ten seconds after you saw it. In fact, he may very well be driving a twenty year old beater that just refuses to die on him. His idea of a night out might be pizza or cheese burgers and the latest action movie or, a drive in the country with a cooler full of sandwiches and soda. His job likely isn’t one that will put him on the cover of a magazine or, even impress you or your friends. How much he earns is possibly even less remarkable. In fact, he might even be struggling to get by or be looking for work.
This guy is not going to be a flashy bad boy or alpha male whose confidence and bravado sweeps you off of your feet and takes your breath away when you first meet him. (Then later, I might add, verbally or physically punches it right out of you when he becomes comfortable enough to show who he truly is or, before he moves on to the next victim/female. The unfortunate reality is that a high percentage of those rawly appealing bad boys and alpha males is that they are overtly domineering and abusive to those around them, particularly to their romantic interests.)
Is He Enough
In fact, as with most of you “good Godly” women, unless you peer beneath the surface and get to know him, this guy probably won’t seem like he has much at all to offer a woman. Hidden though, beneath that unimpressive mundane exterior, is the good Godly man that you say your heart and spirit yearns for. To be honest, many women looking for a good Godly man would likely turn away a lot of us who are, because, just being a good Godly man simply isn’t enough. They want all of the worldly, materialistic stuff as well. In fact, many of these women want those superficial things more than they want the good Godly man. The fact that he is a good Godly man is merely an afterthought or nifty bonus to a lot of women.
If being a good Godly man was enough, there wouldn’t be nearly so many claims from the female gender within the Christian community that there is a shortage of us. If that is truly the primary trait you are after then, you had better be serious about it. It had better be enough for you to truly love, adore, appreciate, respect, treasure, value, admire, be loyal to, and remain faithful to this man because, at some point — perhaps even when you meet him — being a “good Godly man” is the only thing he will be able to offer or give to you. He likely will have let most everything else go or be neglected to a certain extent so that he could become a good Godly man.
It’s a hard demanding process having your heart transformed by God into the person he wants you to be. It’s messy and painful and, it often doesn’t leave much room, if any, in one’s life for tending to materialistic or worldly things such as looks, career, social standing, even education. When God wants to do a work in your life and in your heart, much of the time, everything else must fall by the wayside. Don’t be surprised if, when you do find a “good Godly” man, that’s really all he has to offer you. Don’t hurt or waste the time of this male whom God has forged into one of HIS own men, if that isn’t enough for you.
What Exactly Does He Look Like
What are a few of the things that indicate God has turned a male into a man after His own heart and prepared him for romance and marriage?
– He loves deeply and richly. Who? God, his family, and even complete strangers. He loves our creator and savior with all that he is.
– He looks with the eyes of his heart and sees others the way God sees them. He sees, respects, honors, and acknowledges the wondrous beauty that God formed into every single female. He protects and defends that beauty, both from others and from himself. He treats women as would a gentleman – with care, gentleness, and respect.
– His love is steadfast and unwavering. It won’t falter at the first sign of imperfection or trouble. In fact, when you are at your worst and are the most unappealing you have ever been he will still love you regardless of that.
– He regularly pursues the heart of God and builds the relationship they both share. Because of God’s example of love, intimacy, and bonding with him through that relationship, this guy will have some idea how to build and share the same with a woman.
Undoubtedly that’s just a fraction of what makes a “good Godly Man” and of what makes him worthy of romance and marriage. For more traits and qualities exhibited by a Godly man, refer to the things that I listed in my post entitled “The Garden.”
The Right Attitude
In contrast to the female blogger who is obsessed with “incredibly gorgeous, hot guy[s],” I encountered another female Christian blogger in the past year who is perhaps a decade younger than the first. This woman has also put a great deal of thought into and, considered the physical attractiveness of her future husband. Her views in this matter are rather the opposite of the other blogger. She has confronted herself when it comes to being shallow and materialistic in regard to looks. After thought and prayer she came to accept the fact that the man God chooses for her might not be good looking – that he might even be “ugly” – and, she decided that she would not reject him based on his looks. She concluded that there are too many other factors, far more important and relevant than looks, that make a man good husband material. There is an interesting fact about both of these women; both have worked as models and have an equivalent – dare I say – above average level of physical appeal. One woman chose to make a man’s heart and who he is the primary thing she looks at. The other woman has chosen to make a man’s physical appearance the thing that determines whether he is marriageable or, a loser in her mind.
Regardless of someone’s physical appearance, God searches people’s hearts and, when He finds a viable one – a heart that’s willing – he crafts, builds, forges, and creates that person into a man or woman of his making, a man or woman after his own heart – a “good Godly” man or woman. He doesn’t alter that person’s looks or appearance to make them more pleasing to you. He is concerned with building and remaking that individual into an amazing potential spouse, or a wonderful future parent, a good friend, a refuge for others, someone knowledgeable about His ways, someone who admirably serves Him. Above anything else, God transforms that person into someone whom He Himself finds appealing – someone whose heart and spirit are compatible with His own. If you want to find good godly people of the opposite gender desirable and attractive then, grow so close to God that you see others the way He does, that you look at them with His eyes, rather than with your own. Do that then, watch the world around you suddenly be filled with breathtakingly beautiful people who were right there in front of you all along.